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Before You Dismiss
Me as just Another
Lunatic, Please Read this
Brief Story. Why read it?
Because God May Be Your Grandfather, too.
If the
fundamentalist Christians are correct when they say that
the Christian Bible is God's undisputable truth, then
this story must also be true!
I'm not
much of a Bible reader. but my grandmother definitely
is. Whenever our family would go to visit
her, she'd ask me to read to her from the Bible.
One day I was reading to her from the Book of Genesis,
and in chapter five verse one I read this passage:
"...God
created man in the likeness of God..."
"Grandma," I asked, "Does God look like you and me?"
She replied, "That's what the Bible says, so it must be
so."
I didn't give this idea any more thought
until I read verses two and four of the next chapter: "...the sons of
God saw the daughters of men as fair, so they took them
as wives..." and "...the
sons of God came in onto the daughters of men and they
bore children..." I was taken
aback by these two passages , but I didn't want to talk
about sex to grandma so just kept reading.
After our Bible reading session, I went
back and re-read Genesis 5 and 6. I
started wondering what happened to the son's of the
gods? And what happened to all the children
they fathered? The children must obviously
be dead and gone, but what about the sons of the
gods.
Unlike Adam and Eve, they must know where
the tree of eternal life is, so like their father, God,
Himself, they must live forever. So
where are these eternal son's of the gods who were
having sex with all those all those beautiful Earth
women?
Now let's face it guys, even you and I
know a good thing when we see one. So
imagine for a moment that you are an eternal son of God,
and you find a ready-made, willing harem on Earth
available to you at any time you choose.
What would you do? You'd taste the pudding,
of course, and then later, you'd come back for more.
There are no long-term commitments. No
financial costs. No paternity suits.
No alimony. And no screaming kids.
Just... good... SEX! I can't
speak for the women, but, guys, how many of you would
pass up an opportunity like that?
So what does that mean? It
means that, if the sons of God came then, they're coming
now. And ladies, can we get real for a
moment? How many of you would turn down an
opportunity to make love to one of the sons of the real,
honest to goodness God? And how many of you
would go home and tell your mate, your family, and your
friends that you just had a sexual affair with an alien
for space who claims to be god's son? Not
many! I'm certain of that.
About three days after my Bible reading
session, I was telling my older brother about what I'd
read. He's twelve years older than me and is
usually rather calm, but upon hearing my words, he
became anything but calm. He immediately
took out the Bible and confirmed what I'd told him.
He then slowly closed the book, set it aside, and sat
there staring at me with this strange look on his face.
What's up?" I demanded of him.
After a long silence, he blurted out,
"God's your grandfather!"
I laughed at him and said, "What?
You're crazy!"
"No, I'm not," he said. "Let
me explain. You're not supposed to be told
what I'm about to tell you until you're sixteen, but
you're fifteen now, so I guess one year more or less
won't matter much."
Instantly, my body tensed. I
sat up and leaned toward him in anticipation, but
what he said, I was definitely not prepared for.
He continued, "About six months before
you were born, mom and dad had a heavy-duty fight.
He found out that while mom was away visiting a friend
in Canada, she had had a two-week-long, torrid love
affair with a mysterious stranger, and she came home,
pregnant."
"Then that means... it means..."
I tried to speak, but no more words came out of my
mouth.
"It means." my brother continued,
"that dad's not your real, biological father."
Upon hearing this bombshell news, my
mouth dropped open, I flopped back on the couch, and
just sat there, dumbfounded. Finally, I
asked, "Then... then who is my father?"
"According to mom, he was a mysterious
stranger that she met while walking in the woods.
He told her that he was not from Earth, and that he was
an eternal being from another reality. Dad
was really pissed, when he heard that story.
He never believed her, and mom never changed her story."
"What happened to the stranger?" I asked.
"Mom says she never saw him before their
affair, and has never seen him since."
I looked at my brother and excitedly
said, "Then my real father must have been one of those
sons of God that the Bible talks about!"
I sat silently for a moment, while the
real meaning of this disclosure spun through my mind.
Then with almost no conscious thought at all, the
following words came pouring out: "Holy sh-t!
God really is my Grandfather!"
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